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Unger Games

Andrew Harris Shatters Record for Most Rushing Yards by a Steinbacher

August 21, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON In what is certainly the most impressive feat of his illustrious career, Toronto Argos running back Andrew Harris has just become the first Steinbacher ever to reach 10,000 career rushing yards. “I know […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Couple Drives 20 Minutes to Another Restaurant to Avoid 5 Minute Wait at the First One

August 20, 2022 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK The Wiebes of Warman were really looking forward to an authentic southern BBQ experience at the Smokey Sausage Diner in Saskatoon this weekend. However, it was not meant to be, as the Wiebes […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Zellers ain’t good enough!” Mennonites Demand Return of SAAN Stores

August 19, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB While there was some level of excitement for the return of Zellers stores, Mennonites across the Prairies are demanding the return of the even cheaper SAAN stores as well. “The only place that […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesen Population Set to Pass 8 Billion ‘Any Day Now’

August 18, 2022 Andrew

ALTONA, MB According to a UN study, the Friesen population is projected to reach 8,000,000,000 within days. The Friesen Population Clock was at 7.97 billion this week and statisticians are on pins and needles waiting […]

Unger Suspicion

Lisa LaFlamme Offered Job at The Daily Bonnet

August 17, 2022 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON After being unceremoniously fired this week, former CTV news anchor Lisa LaFlamme has been offered a job hosting a new 11 o’clock Daily Bonnet broadcast which promises, for the very first time, to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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