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Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Can’t Remember Where He Parked His Winter Coat

January 15, 2023 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB Area man Art Loeppky, 75, spent more than 45 minutes in the GMC lobby this morning trying to find his parka in amongst hundreds of other black winter coats. “Jauma! Now where did […]

Unger Suspicion

Stash of Spare Prince Harry Books Donated to Local Thrift Store

January 14, 2023 Andrew

FERSCHT HEINRICH, SK A huge of stash of spare Prince Harry books were dropped off at the local thrift store this afternoon. “Yeah, what can I say. I guess the bookstore had a few extras,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Biden Weighs Nationwide Ban on Gassy Mennonite Food

January 13, 2023 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Republicans are up in arms this week as the Biden administration is reportedly considering banning “gassy Mennonite food like schmaunt fat, formavorscht, and all those fried onions they like to put on the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Gives Up Rogers Golden Syrup During Dry January

January 12, 2023 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After pressure from his wife Annie to make a few changes, Mr. Herman Groening, 71, of Winkler has decided to abstain from Rogers Golden Syrup for the entire month of January. “I heard […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Puts Cousin in the “Frintschoft Zone”

January 11, 2023 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON It was sad news for Danny Dueck, 23, this week, after his second cousin, Maria Dueck, 24, informed him that he had now been relegated to the frintschoft zone. “I could tell he […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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