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Unger & Thirst

Truck Spills Schmaunt Fat All Over Memphis Highway

September 9, 2022 Andrew

MEMPHIS, TN “The schmaunt fat was everywhere. The schmaunt fat was in the northbound lane. The schmaunt fat was in the southbound lane. The schmaunt fat was pooling in all the potholes.” This, according to […]

Unger & Thirst

Thousands of Partiers Show Up to Mennonite Man’s “Hot New Disco”

September 8, 2022 Andrew

HOCHFELD, MEXICO Equipped with bellbottoms and Bee Gees records, thousands of eager dancers showed up in the tiny village of Hochfeld, Mexico this week for what promised to be the “hottest disco in all of […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Census Data Identifies ‘English mixed with Plautdietsch and a bit of regular German mixed in yet’ as Most Popular Language in Winkler

September 7, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Recently released figures from Stats Canada show that English with a sprinkling of Low and High German is the most common mother tongue in the RM of Winkler yet once. “Oh, jauma, they […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ben Heppner and Howard Dyck Return with New Radio Show ‘Saturday Afternoon Meddachschlop at the Opera’

September 6, 2022 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Even though most of their fellow Mennonites were too busy mucking the stalls most weekends to notice, for decades opera radio in Canada was dominated by Howard Dyck and Ben Heppner, both long-time […]

Unger & Thirst

Abbotsford Man Subsists Entirely on Rempel’s Farmer Sausage Soup

September 5, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC For more than 17 years, local man Earl Penner has eaten nothing but Rempel’s Farmer Sausage Soup at Ricky’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner. “Ever since my Martha passed away, I’ve been coming here […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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