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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Devastated After Attempting Sunday Trip to Chick-fil-A and Hobby Lobby

September 15, 2023 Andrew

GRAND FORKS, ND The Bueckerts of Winkler had it all planned out. They’d cross the border in Emerson just after the morning service, stop for a quick bite at Chik-fil-A, before spending the rest of […]

Unger Suspicion

Bargain-Hungry Mennonites Fill Arena for 50 Cent Concert

September 13, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Early estimates indicate “more than half of Winkler” is at the 50 Cent concert in Winnipeg tonight. Never wanting to pass up a bargain, even Winkler’s staunchest country fans were persuaded to take […]

Unger Suspicion

Amana Releases New ‘Throwback’ Dishwasher

September 12, 2023 Andrew

AMANA, IA The Inspirationalist colonies of Amana, Iowa have released a brand new dishwasher that will give people that warm fuzzy feeling of childhood. “We really think people are going to just love our new […]

Unger & Thirst

Delta Passengers Offered Free Taco Bell Coupon

September 10, 2023 Andrew

ATLANTA, GA Passengers on the ill-fated Delta Airlines flight this week were offered a $5 coupon to Taco Bell as compensation for their unfortunate trip. “This is just one way we’re giving back to the […]

Unger Suspicion

Sean Penn Confesses He’s Really a Penner

September 9, 2023 Andrew

SANTA MONICA, CA Hollywood icon Sean Penn appeared on The View today and confessed that he shortened his name name back in 1978 so as “not to appear too Mennonite.” “I’m a Penner,” said Penn. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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