ST. CATHERINES, ON
Thousands of Mennonites across Ontario have joined Premier Doug Ford in dumping all the Crown Royal they weren’t intending on drinking anyway.
“I use it for cooking or medicinal purposes only,” said Mrs. Brandt of St. Catherine’s. “Maybe whiskey balls at Christmas, stir it in with the plumi moos, spike the punch at faspa, and that’s it.”
Brandt says she has no problem switching over to closet drinking Gibson’s Finest instead.
“I was mostly just buying Crown Royal for the bags anyway,” said Brandt. “Gotta have some place to store my crokinole pieces.”
Now that the plant has shut down, Mennonites are scrambling to find some other way of managing all those pieces.
“There’s only so many margarine containers to go around,” said Brandt. “And they just don’t last as long as good quality Crown Royal bag.”
Brandt says her husband Harry also uses Crown Royal bags to carry the collection of harmonicas he plays along with the worship band in church.
