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toilet paper

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Still Using the Toilet Paper She Bought Last Year

March 17, 2021 Andrew

MOOSE JAW, SK Rose Bueckert, 43, of Moose Jaw has barely even scratched the surface of all the extra absorbent Cottonelle she panic-bought at the beginning of the pandemic last year. “It’s just like all […]

Unger Suspicion

White House Running Critically Low on Toilet Paper and Bleach

October 6, 2020 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Toilet paper and bleach supplies are running critically low at the White House this week after the “royal family” and all their staff came down with some mysterious condition that only toilet paper […]

The Daily Bonnet

With Toilet Paper in Short Supply, Mennonites Resort to Eaton’s Catalogues Once Again

April 2, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB While thousands of Canadians are panicked these days due to a short supply of toilet paper, Mennonites, on the other hand, haven’t been fazed by the shortage at all. “Well, it looks like […]

Unger Suspicion

Scientists Have Traced the Origins of ‘Idiot Hoarder Disease’

March 16, 2020 Andrew

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA Scientists at the University of Australia have successfully isolated the origin of the ‘Idiot Hoarder’ virus that is ravaging the planet. “We’ve traced it back to a fight between two men in their […]

Unger Suspicion

Lotto 6/49 Rewards Local Man with a Truck Load of Toilet Paper

March 14, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON It was the biggest payout in Lotto 6/49 history last night as local man Mr. Thiessen won an entire truck load of toilet paper. “When I saw they were giving out not one, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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