Mennonite Man Wins Award for ‘Most Submissive Wife’


Local man Jakob T. Nikkel was awarded a trophy from the EMBBMC church for “having a submissive wife for a record fifty-five years.”

“In all those years, she never once questioned my authority as the rightful head of the household,” said Nikkel. “Even when I did some really stupid stuff like spend all our money at Tomato Soup Penner’s place, she stood by me and let me get away with it without so much as a disdainful glare or an ‘oh ba nä.'”

Nikkel admits that back in the late 50s he had his choice of the Dueck sisters and he chose the most compliant-looking one.

“I sure know how to pick ’em,” says Nikkel. “But I can’t give her all the credit. I’m also a really overbearing and manipulative jerk, so that definitely helps.”

The EMBBMC offers this prize annually. In addition to the honour and prestige of winning the trophy, the church ladies also offer to milk the winner’s cows for a whole month.

“I’m so glad I attend a church that takes the doctrine of female submission seriously,” said Nikkel. “It’s a scriptural interpretation made by men for men…and I won’t have anyone telling me different no matter how educated or knowledgable they may be.”

Mrs. Martha Nikkel was forbidden by her husband from talking to reporters.

(photo credit: Nationaal Archief/CC)

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