Mennonite Church Vows Never Again to Ask English Prof to Read the Children’s Story


All the children ages 3 to 11 at East Winnipeg MBCC church were called up to the front for the children’s story this Sunday morning, when renowned CMU English professor Dr. Leroy Klippenstein decided to read all 1000 pages of James Joyce’s impenetrable tome Ulysses.

“By the time I got to about page 400 I could tell the kids were getting antsy,” said Klippenstein. “I don’t know what got into them. I did all the voices and everything.”

Klippenstein even read all the notations from the Bloomsday book in hopes that the children would get everything they could from this masterpiece of literature. After 700 pages and five-days straight of reading, Elder Klassen stepped in to intervene.

“I think it’s time for faspa there, Leory,” said Klassen, his hand on Dr. Klippenstein’s shoulder. “I think we can finish this peculiar Bible story another time.”

Klippenstein sighed and agreed to get off the stage, but not before handing out a set of age appropriate fill-in-the-blank Sunday School sheets with questions about the novel.

“I know the book doesn’t have any pictures,” said Klippenstein, “but they should all just be glad I didn’t get them to read Finnegan’s Wake.”

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