Local Man So Bored He’d Even Be Willing to Watch Baseball


Like many people these days, local sports fan J.R. Goerzen, 43, is going bonkers without any sports to watch. It’s gotten so bad that Goerzen has been flipping the channels hoping to see some baseball.

“Ugh, I just don’t know what to do with myself,” said Goerzen. “I’m getting desperate. Let’s see if the Jays are playing.”

Goerzen flipped through all the channels and could not find a single sporting event to watch, not even the incredibly boring ones.

“I just need to see someone chase a ball or run in circles. Anything!” exclaimed Goerzen. “These days I’m not picky.”

Mrs. Goerzen said she, too, wouldn’t mind watching a man run around for a while and suggested her husband J.R. could do a few laps down the block while she watched from the balcony.

“He’s getting a little pudgy anyway,” said Mrs. Goerzen. “And I guess this is the closest thing to sports we’ll have for a long time.”

It’s not known if or when the baseball season will begin, but the Goerzens claim they’ll be the biggest baseball fans in the world when it does.

(photo credit: Paul Swansen/CC)

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