Lit Match Insufficient After Dad’s Been in There


The Sawatzky family of Edmonton has discovered the hard way that a single lit match is wholly insufficient to mask the mysterious odour that often emanates from the bathroom after Dad’s been in there.

“From now on we’re giving it 30 minutes wait time and a six-pack of candles,” said daughter Rebecca, 15. “I sure hope that works, because it was so powerful, I started to lose consciousness the last time.”

The Sawatzkys have suffered through Dad’s washroom encounters for nearly two decades now, but Mom says it’s time for drastic changes.

“Something had to be done. A lit match just wasn’t cutting it,” said Mom. “We need something a lot more rubust. Your typical matchbook is no match for Dad.”

Dad deflected any criticism by blaming the matches.

“What can you expect when you buy the store brand matches?” said Dad. “I’ve been telling Mary for years now: get the good matches. But she refuses. So, you know, if she faints after I’ve been in there, it’s her own fault…”

After recent changes, the Sawatzky family bathroom now looks a lot like a Catholic shrine…and, thankfully, smells a lot like one, too.

Dear Martha Reimer (Mennonite Advice Column)
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