High German Mennonite Claims He’s Not Actually All That High


Sam Toews, 51, of Morden, Manitoba says he’s sick and tried of all his Plautdietsch-speaking friends in Winkler accusing him of being high all the time.

“They’re always asking me what’s in the cigarettes I’m smoking,” said Toews. “And you should hear all their suspicious accusations about my Oma Toews’s brownies.”

Toews admits he attends the High German service on Sunday mornings, but says that’s no reason to jump to any conclusions.

“Yes, I’m a High German,” said Toews, “but that doesn’t mean I’m a high German, if you know what I mean.”

Toews then pointed out that, if you wanted to be technical about it, he isn’t actually a German at all, of the high variety or otherwise.

“Besides the terms High German and Low German have nothing to do with marijuana,” said Toews. “Everyone knows they’re actually just about class.”

Toews’s Low German friends responded by admitting that, yes, he may not be high, exactly, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a pretentious jerk.

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