WASHINGTON, DC
Moments after Canadian poet Anne Carson was announced as the winner of the 2026 Nobel Prize for Literature, a furious Donald Trump took to social media to announce his displeasure.
“They’re out to get me. They hate me. The Nobel people. Nasty Nasty people,” said Trump. “And who did they Give it to? A Canadian. Very Bad. Very bad.”
Trump said there was no one more deserving of the prize than him, citing his tweets, AI-generated memes, and speech-making abilities as evidence.
“How could They overlook The Art of the Deal?” said Trump. “It’s the greatest. The Best.”
In response to the Anne Carson victory, FIFA announced it would be creating it’s own Nobel Prize for Literature and that the first (and only) recipient would be Donald Trump.
“I think shlocky ghostwritten autobiographies are really overlooked with these prizes,” said FIFA president Gianna Infantino. “It’s also high time the literary world honoured Trump for his 5th grade vocabulary and complete inability to understand which words in a sentence need to be capitalized.”
After awarding Trump the lit prize, the committee also announced the first ever FIFA Ethics Prize to be awarded to Manchester City.
