WASHINGTON, DC
Moments after announcing they’d be bringing back public executions, US Secretary of War Pete Hegseth introduced a snazzy new video game to share the experience with kids.
“The kids just love video games,” said Hegseth. “So what better way to win them over to our side than with some 8-bit NES fun.”
The new game will allow players to select several popular video game characters such as Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach, before lining them up against a wall and unloading on them with the firing squad.
“We get our diesel from Russia and our human rights policy from Saudi Arabia,” said Hegseth. “But, believe me, these video games are all American.”
Hegseth says it’s good for kids to be desensitized to stuff like this and encourages all parents to download the game or purchase the cartridge at your local GameStop.
“Every time you execute someone a little coin pops up,” said Hegseth. “I’ve already got 100 coins to gain an extra life.”
The game also comes equipped with the Duck Hunt gun for those who want a more immersive experience.
