Drake to Read Local Funeral Announcements


A local radio station has hired Canadian rap sensation Drake to read the funeral announcements while the regular host is on vacation.

“We’re really excited to get Drake in here to spice things up,” says radio manager Amanda Plett. “To be honest, we’ve been trying to get a rapper in here for years.”

Drake said he’s really looking forward to travelling to small town Saskatchewan to honour any Mennonites that might pass away during his time in Dalmeny. To that end, he has been practicing his eulogy-reading for months in preparation for the big gig.

“Yo, ugh, yo, mmm hmm, last name Friesen, first name Bertha. Bertha Friesen. Friesen Bertha. Yeah, mmm hmm,” said Drake in rehearsal. “Mr. Dueck, he sure could sing, that can only mean one thing, Mr. Dueck was the hotline bling.”

Radio station manager Plett said she’s really excited for Drake’s three week stay in Dalmeny and is even hosting Drake in her spare bedroom.

“I’ll show him around town and feed him perogies,” said Peters, “and hopefully he’ll feel inspired and be able to drop some mad rhymes about whichever Mennonites might happen to die while he’s here.”

All the local young people have got their fingers crossed that their ailing grandparents pass away sometime during Drake’s tenure in Dalmeny.

(photo credit The Come Up Show, CC 2.0)

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