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The Daily Bonnet

Area Mall Fights Loitering by Blasting Mennonite Hymns

April 17, 2025 Andrew

GRETNA, MB Southern Manitoba’s most popular shopping centre in Gretna, Manitoba has gone to extreme lengths to get rid of the teens who’ve been loitering in the parking lot this spring. To address this problem, […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Woman Finishes Dead Last in Olympic Breakdancing Competition

August 11, 2024 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO After a disastrous last place finish at Paris 20224, Team Mexico says this is the last time they will let a Mennonite woman onto the national breakdancing team. “I’m not sure what they […]

Unger Conviction

Snoop Dogg Gives Up Smoking after Joining Mennonite Church

November 18, 2023 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Rap icon Snoop Dogg made headlines this week after declaring that he will no longer partake in cannabis. Further investigation revealed that the dramatic lifestyle change came after an encounter with a Mennonite […]

Unger Suspicion

Bargain-Hungry Mennonites Fill Arena for 50 Cent Concert

September 13, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Early estimates indicate “more than half of Winkler” is at the 50 Cent concert in Winnipeg tonight. Never wanting to pass up a bargain, even Winkler’s staunchest country fans were persuaded to take […]

Unger Suspicion

Snoop Dog and Dr. Dre to Perform at Faspa This Sunday

February 17, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After their stellar performance at the Super Bowl this weekend, Dr. Dre and his all-star lineup of 90s rappers have been invited to perform at the West Fresno Mennonite Ladies Faspa and Quilt […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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