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Unger Games

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Pitcher Throws No-Hitter While High on Yerba Mate

May 27, 2021 Andrew

MONTREAL, QC It was fifty years ago today that Pieta Ens, rookie phenom for the Montreal Axpos, threw a complete game no-hitter while high on what many believe was yerba mate. “His demeanor was erratic, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Becomes Conscientious Objector After Watching Too Many Hockey Fights

May 24, 2021 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Mr. Eby of Kitchener was very excited to watch the Leafs game this afternoon, but after binging on the NHL for the past week, has decided he’s boycotting the spot entirely from now […]

The Daily Bonnet

Fact Check: Are you more likely to die from Dutch Blitz than a shark attack?

May 11, 2021 Andrew

Time for another instalment of the Daily Bonnet Fact Check, where we scour the Internet to confirm or deny commonly held beliefs about Mennonites. So, today we’re going to tackle a big one: Is it […]

Unger Conviction

Tim Tebow Signs with Mennonite Church, but Not as QB

May 10, 2021 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Famed Evangelical Christian quarterback Tim Tebow has signed a new deal with the North South Side Mennonite Church of Goshen, Indiana to serve as Associate Pastor. “Pastor Jim will be quarterbacking this congregation […]

Unger Games

Dwayne Johnson ‘Guaran-damn-tee’s He Won’t Totally Destroy the CFL

March 14, 2021 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The CFL announced this week that they’re in talks with a former pro wrestler to potentially throw away 150 years of Canadian football tradition in exchange for a bit part in the next […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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