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The Daily Bonnet

Major League Knipsbrat to Return July 23

June 25, 2020 Andrew

ST. JACOBS, ON The stars of the crokinole world have gathered in the hub city of St. Jacobs, Ontario this week for the commencement of the 2020 Major League Knipsbrat season. The season has been […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Loses Thousands Betting on Replays of Last Year’s Football Games

June 20, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Mr. Unger was so excited to finally be able to watch some Canadian football games this week that he bet his friend Mr. Toews more than ten thousand dollars that the Ticats […]

Unger Games

NHL Says 11 Players Have Tested Positive for Mullets

June 19, 2020 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY The 2020 NHL season is in grave doubt this week after the league announced that 11 players have already tested positive for mullets. “After reopening arenas and practice facilities on June 8, […]

Unger Games

Brandon Wheat Kings Qualify for Expanded NHL Playoffs

May 26, 2020 Andrew

BRANDON, MB NHL commissioner Gary Bettman announced an expanded NHL playoff schedule that will include more than three thousand teams, including the Brandon Wheat Kings, Winkler Flyers, and Avangard Omsk. “After all the hardship we’ve […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Severely Injures Knipsing Finger

May 17, 2020 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON The global crokinole community was in shock this week after star flicker Mr. Funk went down with an injury to his knipsing finger. “The crokinole world has never seen anything like this, especially […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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