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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Productivity Way Down as Canadians Spend All Day Refreshing Test Results Page

October 29, 2020 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC A new study out of the University of Chilliwack has attributed the entirety of Canada’s economic downturn to the fact that Canadians are spending all every day refreshing their Covid test result screens. […]

Unger Games

Patrik Laine Traded to the Blumenort Menno Knights

October 25, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB After months of speculation, the Winnipeg Jets have revealed that 22-year-old superstar Patrik Laine and his seven million dollar a year salary has been traded to the Blumenort Menno Knights of the Hanover-Tache […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadians Forced to Winter in Canada this Year

October 14, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON For the first time in almost a hundred years, millions of Canadians will be forced to suffer through one of their own winters. “Diewel, if I had known it was this bad, I’d […]

Unger Suspicion

Taylor Swift Endorses One of Her Ex-Boyfriends for President

October 9, 2020 Andrew

WEST READING, PA Perpetually heartbroken singer-songwriter Taylor Swift has weighed into the political realm this week and endorsed “a young man who broke my heart years ago” for President. “Although Dillon is not actually on […]

Unger Suspicion

White House Running Critically Low on Toilet Paper and Bleach

October 6, 2020 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Toilet paper and bleach supplies are running critically low at the White House this week after the “royal family” and all their staff came down with some mysterious condition that only toilet paper […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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