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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

‘Tooth & Nail’ Band Books Thirty Night Residency in Baptist Church Basement

April 5, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local punk rocker Sam Dyck, 39, of Kleefeld, Manitoba is really excited that his favourite 90s Christian pop punk band The Undecided have booked a long term residency in the Southdale Baptist basement […]

Unger Suspicion

Aylmer Pastor Awarded Nation’s Highest Honour: A Stained Dirty Star on Canada’s Walk of Fame

March 28, 2021 Andrew

TORONTO, ON A controversial Aylmer-area “pastor” is set to receive Canada’s highest honour: a stained dirty star caked with gum somewhere on a urine-drenched Toronto sidewalk. “After seeing all the good he’s been doing for […]

Unger Suspicion

Efforts Intensify to Dislodge Fred Penner from Log

March 27, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Efforts to dislodge beloved children’s entertainer Fred Penner from a log in an undisclosed location intensified on Saturday afternoon. “For years he’s gone in and out of that log without issue, but somehow […]

Unger Suspicion

Tom Brady Signs Massive $50 Million Geritol Endorsement Deal

March 16, 2021 Andrew

TAMPA BAY, FL Aging NFL quarterback Tom Brady has signed a new two-year deal worth close to $50 million to endorse Geritol multivitamins. “I figure by the time I’m done this new contact with the […]

Unger Games

Dwayne Johnson ‘Guaran-damn-tee’s He Won’t Totally Destroy the CFL

March 14, 2021 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The CFL announced this week that they’re in talks with a former pro wrestler to potentially throw away 150 years of Canadian football tradition in exchange for a bit part in the next […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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