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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Woman Turns to Pillar of Salt After Failing to Apply Adequate Levels of Moisturizer

November 23, 2018 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Emergency crews were called to a scene in Kitchener today where Alice Goossen, 43, was discovered to have completely dried out and turned into a pillar of salt after failing to apply adequate […]

Unger Suspicion

Blue Bombers Proudly Hoist ‘Sunday School Attendance’ Trophy

November 18, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After a loss to the Calgary Stampeders this afternoon, the Winnipeg Blue Bomber season has come to an end yet again, and yet again this year, the club is excited to have achieved […]

Unger Suspicion

Florida Hires Expert to Help with Election Recount

November 16, 2018 Andrew

TALLAHASSEE, FL Seemingly unable to ever get through an election without some sort of foul up, the State of Florida has hired the purple counting guy from Sesame Street to help with the recount. “We’ve […]

Unger Games

Calgarians Vote Not to Host Massive $5 Billion Faspa

November 14, 2018 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Calgary has spoken. They do not want to host the 2026 quadrennial winter Faspa. In a plebiscite this week, Calgary voted overwhelmingly in favour of just ordering in Chinese food on that Sunday […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Starts Rival Donut Shop

November 13, 2018 Andrew

GRETNA, MB Local man Tim Hiebert was sick and tired of having his small Mennonite town constantly overlooked by the big donut and coffee chains, so he decided to do something about it himself. “I […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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