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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

2016 Nobel Peace Prize to be Shared by All Mennonites

October 7, 2016 Andrew

OSLO, NORWAY The Nobel committee in Oslo has taken the unusual step this year in awarding the annual Peace Prize to “every single Mennonite on the planet.” The committee was particularly impressed with Mennonite conflict […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Free Dance Lessons’ Creates Profound Existential Crisis in Mennonite Town

October 5, 2016 Andrew

SOMMERFELD, PARAGUAY Residents of a small Mennonite town were sent into deep existential angst on Wednesday when a sign went up in town offering ‘Free Dance Lessons.’ “As a Mennonite I’m obligated to take anything […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Strip Poker Game Sends Three to Hospital

October 4, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Three young Mennonites are in critical condition at the Altona Hospital this evening after a strip poker game went badly wrong. The local variation of the game requires participants to add layers of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Everyone’s at the MCC Right Now, What Are You Doing on Facebook?

October 1, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Like, seriously, now, who’s even reading this? It’s the middle of the day on Saturday, which means that absolutely everyone in Steinbach is at the MCC thrift store, which closes at 3. Good […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma Sure is a Stickler on Scrabble Rules

September 30, 2016 Andrew

HENDERSON, NB During the 20th century, Mennonite grandmothers across North America have overcome the oppressive patriarchal subculture that too often limited them to grade eight educations to excel at many things, including Scrabble. However, along […]

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