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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Man Consoles Himself With Gospel Music as Team Loses

November 27, 2016 Andrew

LINDEN, AB By now it’s a ritual. Whenever the Calgary Stampeders are in a nail-biter, local football fan Peter B. Janzen throws an Elvis Presley gospel album on the record player in order to win favour […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Men Take Cover in their Barns as Wives Gather to Watch ‘Gilmore Girls’

November 25, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mennonite men across North America have joined their non-Mennonite counterparts in staying far far away from the house this evening as millions of women get together to watch the Netflix reboot of ‘Gilmore […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Store Offers Amazing 10% Off Black Friday Sale

November 25, 2016 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON In order to keep Southern Ontario Mennonites from zipping over the border for Black Friday deals, local Mennonite businesses have drastically reduced prices in order to compete. Rempel Electronics, for example, is offering unprecedented […]

The Daily Bonnet

Penners Attempt to Outbreed Reimers

November 23, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB In a bold move of solidarity, Penners across North America have pledged to do their part to have more babies than the Reimers. “We’re sick and tired of the Reimers outnumbering us in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Oba, That Mennonite Chiropractor Can Fix Everything Yet

November 22, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A local unlicensed folk chiropractor is receiving praise throughout southeast Manitoba for his ability to knacke out absolutely any problem one might have. After keeling over with pain in the grocery aisle, local man Don B. Penner made sure to visit […]

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