Oba, That Mennonite Chiropractor Can Fix Everything Yet


A local unlicensed folk chiropractor is receiving praise throughout southeast Manitoba for his ability to knacke out absolutely any problem one might have. After keeling over with pain in the grocery aisle, local man Don B. Penner made sure to visit the only man on earth who could fix his problem.

“Oh, yo, Mr. Pankratz is the best medical practitioner on this side of the Red River,” said Penner. “He knackes and knipses like no one else yet.”

“Dr.” Pankratz, who isn’t educated or actually a doctor of any sort, but just a guy who likes to touch people’s backs, claims to be able to cure everything from back pain and gout to ulcers and herpes all with a simple knacke or two.

“I guess you could say he’s like a Mennonite witch doctor,” said Penner, “except we don’t believe in that sort of thing, so we just call it a Trajchtmoaka.”

The Trajchtmoaka has long played a significant role in Mennonite culture by providing really sketchy services and making dubious claims. This still has not convinced Mennonites to see real physicians or chiropractors.

“Nah, old Mr. Pankratz is more than good enough, yet,” said Penner. “Plus, he lets me pay the bill in canned beets.”

(Photo credit: TheeErin/CC)

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