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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Teen Accused of Showing Too Much Ankle on Snapchat

May 23, 2016 Andrew

SCHANZENBERG, SK Local Mennonite teen Patricia Schmidt, 18, will appear before the church deacon board on Tuesday to defend her immodest post on social media over the weekend. “I was just showing off my new Maddens to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Satirist Spends Hours Indoors Writing Articles on First Warm May Long Weekend in Decades

May 21, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Completely missing the rare opportunity to have a rain-free May long weekend, pathetic local writer Andrew Unger spent hours indoors constructing satirical news items. “The weather’s beautiful, but I’ve got articles to write,” said Unger […]

The Daily Bonnet

Formula 1 Circuit Expands to Steinbach

May 19, 2016 Andrew

LONDON, UK Cruisers and gearheads throughout southeast Manitoba were elated Thursday, as Formula 1 confirmed that they are adding a race in the small town of Steinbach, Canada. The Hanover Grand Prix is set to commence in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Blames His Narrow Mind on the Zika Virus

May 19, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Winkler resident and xenophobe Eric Bergen, 38, is certain that a mosquito is the sole cause of his narrow-mindedness. “There really is no other explanation,” says Bergen from his mother’s basement that he has […]

The Daily Bonnet

Massive Miriam Toews Statue to Be Erected in Steinbach

May 19, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB More than a decade after her best-selling novel A Complicated Kindness ruthlessly skewered her hometown of Steinbach, a 100-metre high statue of Miriam Toews is set for construction on the corner of Main and Brandt. “All […]

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