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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Renounces Genealogy After Connection to Homer Simpson is Discovered

November 4, 2016 Andrew

MAIN CENTRE, SK Local Mennonite elder Leon Groening suddenly ceased his genealogy hobby on Friday after discovering a connection to cartoon imbecile Homer Simpson. “I was on Grandma’s Window – you know the Mennonite genealogy website […]

The Daily Bonnet

World’s Oldest Living Mennonite Fondly Reminisces About the 1908 World Series

November 3, 2016 Andrew

CHICAGO, IL Henry Baerg, who turned 114 in September, has not followed baseball much in the last 90 years or so, but fondly recalls the last time the Chicago Cubs won the World Series. “Oba, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Has ‘Unfair Head Start’ on Movember Beard

November 2, 2016 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB A local Mennonite man has taken advantage of his ample facial hair to “totally kick butt” in a local Movembeard contest. “Like Samson of old, I have not, cannot, and will not shave,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Experiences Mysterious Egg Shortage After Everyone in Town Shuts Off the Lights and Pretends Not to Be Home

November 1, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local grocery stores were completely sold out of eggs yesterday, after for some unknown reason nearly everyone in town decided they were going to just turn off the lights and hide in the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Hires CNN to ‘Fact-Check’ Her Husband

October 30, 2016 Andrew

ANAHEIM, CA Tired of “his constant BS,” local Mennonite woman, Mary Penner, 75, of Anaheim, decided to submit her husband Pete to a CNN Reality Check. “I just wasn’t sure that what he was telling […]

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