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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Electoral College Declares the West Side ‘Jantsied’

December 19, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Despite overwhelming popular vote suggesting that the East Side was Jantsied, the Mennonite electoral colleges have decided that the West Side of the Red River is officially ‘Jantsied.’ “Some will say it’s not very […]

The Daily Bonnet

Corny Rempel Becomes World’s First Menno Simons Impersonator

December 19, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local Elvis Presley tribute artist Corny Rempel has expanded his repetoire to include Johnny Cash and now, it seems, he’s taking his talent for mimicry even further with an uncanny Menno Simons impersonation. “People […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winter Fashion Forecast: Long Johns All the Rage This Year

December 18, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Fashion industry insiders are predicting a surge in the sale of long underwear this winter. There was a time when this garment, “long johns” as they are sometimes called by Canadians and/or Mennonites, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Church Shuns Snowman For Being ‘Immodestly Dressed’

December 16, 2016 Andrew

PASTWA, MB A local snowman was shunned this week for setting a bad example for the young people of the congregation by dressing immodestly. “There he is out in the yard without any clothes on yet,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Mennonite Kama Sutra’ to Be Published This Spring

December 14, 2016 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Mennonite couples across North America are anticipating the publication of the Mennonite Kama Sutra this April, which is sure to add some spice to many a romantic relationship. “The book is the most […]

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