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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Penner and Penner to Breed Purebred Penner Children

June 3, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local Winkler couple and not-so-distant cousins Colin Penner and Mary Penner, both in their mid-20s, are expecting a pair of purebred Penner children this fall. The exciting announcement was made at the church faspa last […]

The Daily Bonnet

Horseshoes-Related Injuries Soar in 2017

June 1, 2017 Andrew

MARCHAND, MB After a slow summer last year with less than twenty concussions and two fatalities, the number of horseshoes-related injuries has soared to record heights in Manitoba this spring. If the pace continues, it […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Boy Sneaks a Glimpse of Stanley Cup Finals from Lutheran Neighbour’s Window

May 30, 2017 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK 10-year-old Mennonite boy Billy Unger of Swift Current was caught watching game one of the Stanley Cup finals through his Lutheran neighbour’s window last night. “Watching television? Oba, nay! And hockey yet!” […]

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The Daily Bonnet

Kleefeld Residents to Spend the Next Six Months Picking Rocks

May 29, 2017 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB Now that winter is officially over, residents of Kleefeld, Manitoba are back in their fields picking rocks in full force, an activity that is expected to last until the snow flies again this […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Becomes Completely Obsessed with Jollibee

May 27, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB When Filipino fast food giant Jollibee opened up in Winnipeg, Garth and Pamela Friesen of North Kildonan were lured in by the smiling cartoon bee and the chance to try sweet spaghetti. Since it opened […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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