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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Hires Taunte Nettie as City’s First Female Cop

July 26, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB In a press conference this morning, Winkler mayor Milton Heinrichs announced the hiring of the city’s first female police officer. After searching for more than 12 years for a suitable candidate, the committee […]

The Daily Bonnet

Outhouses Coming Back in Style with Trendy Mennonite Millennials

July 24, 2017 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Everything old is new again it seems. That certainly is the case with outhouses. In the last year, outhouses have received a huge upsurge in interest among hip young Mennonites. “They’re mega-rad and retro,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Celebrates 40 Years of Marriage by Getting Separate Beds

July 24, 2017 Andrew

PANSY, MB Local couple Dirk and Maria Unrau have decided to commemorate their 40th wedding anniversary by replacing their Queen size bed with two double beds. “It was time I got a good night’s sleep […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Caught Listening In On Party Line

July 22, 2017 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB There was a prolonged awkward moment at the church picnic on Sunday after Mrs. Wiebe spoke too liberally about the information she had uncovered while listening in on the party line that connected […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Program Seeks to End Promiscuity at Old Folks Home

July 19, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Over the past few years, experts have witnessed a dramatic rise in wild and licentious behaviour among our Mennonite seniors. In order to address this problem, which some have blamed on social media, Linda […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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