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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Village Gets Downgraded to Darp Status

September 25, 2018 Andrew

PLAUTFELD, MB After losing it’s only remaining residents under the age of the sixty, the tiny Mennonite village of Plautfeld has officially been downgraded to darp. According to Manitoba government classifications the term “darp” is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Missing Knipser Finally Found

September 23, 2018 Andrew

REINLAND, MB The Bergmanns of Reinland had been unable to play a proper game of knipsbrat (or knipsdesh as they call it in their Jantsied dialect) since a gathering this summer, because they did not […]

The Daily Bonnet

Christian Movie Shatters Box Office Record in Steinbach

September 22, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB God’s Not Dead 5: He Still Isn’t Dead stars 47-year-old Kirk Cameron as a freshman college student who, with one impassioned speech, convinces his grumpy professor and his entire class that the world is […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Eaton’s Emm Kjalla’ to Re-open Under Bell MTS Place

September 21, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mennonites across southern Manitoba were saddling up their horses in anticipation of the grand opening of the new bargain basement below the current hockey arena. The new ‘Eaton’s Emm Kjalla’ marks a triumphant […]

The Daily Bonnet

A List of the Best Items Available at Mrs. Friesen’s Garage Sale This Weekend

September 15, 2018 Andrew

KRONSGART, MB One of the perks of writing the Daily Bonnet is that you get early access to garage sales. So, I’ve been scouting out all the local garage sales and I’m here to provide […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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