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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Passport Now Required to Visit Jantsied

January 28, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Authorities at the border crossing in Rosenort have just announced that starting next month Mennonites will be required to show a valid passport when entering Jantsied. The announcement was met with fierce opposition […]

The Daily Bonnet

Unseasonable Warmth Has Mennonites Flocking to the Pits

January 26, 2020 Andrew

HOCHSTEIN, MB As temperatures have risen well above freezing this week, Mennonites across southern Manitoba have been flocking to the local gravel pits for a swim. “Kjnels, don’t forget the zoat!” yelled Jakob Krahn, as […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Denies Rumour that She and Corny are “More than Just Cousins”

January 20, 2020 Andrew

OSTERWICK, MB After Mary Toews and her cousin Corny were seen spending an awful lot of time together at the church faspa on Sunday, rumours are starting to spread that they are “more than just […]

The Daily Bonnet

Vancouver Blizzard Blamed on Visiting Relatives from Manitoba

January 16, 2020 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC By west coast standards, a couple centimetres of snow is a blizzard and can shut down a city. So when such significant weather patterns blanket the region, locals are quick to find someone […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Still Has ‘Menno’s Reins’ Theme Song Stuck in His Head

January 14, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB After numerous screenings of the classic ‘Menno’s Reins’ in youth group back in the 70s, local man Peter Toews still has the theme song stuck in his head more than forty years […]

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