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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Heated Political Discussion Leads to Brawl at Friesen Thanksgiving Gathering

October 13, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Uncle Henry, 71, had his own nephew Peter, 20, in a headlock this Sunday after Mrs. Friesen didn’t keep a tight enough rein on the political discussions around the dinner table. “I should […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Stunt Driver Performs Ten U-Turns in a Row

October 12, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A local man who calls himself “Steinbach’s most badass stunt driver,” performed more than a dozen successful U-turns on Main Street on Tuesday night in his Ford pick-up. “Doing U-turn is how I […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Cleans House Just Before Cleaning Lady Arrives

October 8, 2019 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Mrs. Stobbe, 67, of Abbotsford was in a panic this morning to get her house in order for the arrival of her cleaning lady Gertrude. “Gotta make sure this place is spick and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Residents Petition City to Build Massive 640 Acre Parking Lot Downtown

October 7, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A consortium of concerned citizens has petitioned city council to abandon their plans for a state-of-the-art events centre downtown and instead build a massive 640 acre parking lot. “I’m hoping this gets approval, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Flock to Get their Hands on $65 Elton John T-Shirts

October 5, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mennonites were crowding the hallways at the Bell MTS Place last night to get their hands on some $65 Elton John T-Shirts. “Oba, yo! Oh, look, a hoodie for $125 and for just […]

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