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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Ten Person Maximum Puts Mennonite Families in Quite the Predicament

March 28, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB The Pletts have voted and it seems as if Dad is going to have to quarantine himself in the shed out back so as to adhere to the new ten-person guidelines. “We […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finally Learns His ‘ABCs’

March 27, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Until recently local man Mr. Fehr had absolutely no use for learning the alphabet. However, the recent pandemic has forced him to learn his ABCs so he can wash his hands properly. “All […]

The Daily Bonnet

Niverville Vows to Overtake Steinbach for Most Number of Traffic Lights

March 21, 2020 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB With its first traffic light forthcoming this summer, the town of Niverville is eager to surpass rival community Steinbach for the title of most traffic lights in the Southeast. “Sure, we’ve only got […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Working from Home Completely Naked the Entire Time

March 19, 2020 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Graphic designer Mr. Plett, 58, of Leamington has decided that so long as this coronavirus thing is keeping him at home he might as well not bother to put any clothes on. “I’ve […]

The Daily Bonnet

Shunned Mennonites Feeling Super Safe Right Now

March 18, 2020 Andrew

BIRD-IN-HAND, PA Mrs. Beiler, 63, who was shunned three months ago after wearing a knee-length skirt to a church potluck, is among the safest people on the planet these days. “The shunning was bad at […]

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