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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Flock to Reopened MCC Store to Buy Bigger Pants

June 12, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB More than a thousand eager, and slightly larger, Mennonites were lined up outside the Altona self-help this Friday when they heard the store just got in a fresh supply of pants. “Jauma lied, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Co-Workers Caught Having Meddachschlop in the Photocopy Room

June 10, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB The rumours about that Thiessen boy and that Klassen girl were confirmed to be true this week after Mrs. Wiebe unlocked the photocopy room and found the two of them having a nice […]

The Daily Bonnet

World’s Most Creative Mennonite Paints Entire House Builder’s Beige

June 8, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON There’s been a revolution in Mennonite interior design as of late with home owners opting for such vibrant colours as off-white, eggshell and, exclusively for the bold rebel Mennonite type, builder’s beige. “Oba, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Still Waiting for the Rest of the Story from Paul Harvey

June 6, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mennonites across southern Manitoba are unsure what they’re supposed to make of everything that’s been happening lately and are just waiting for Paul Harvey to explain it all to them in the words […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandkids Horrified as Grandma Reimer Texts “I’m Mennonite AF”

June 5, 2020 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO Mrs. Reimer, 68, of Manitoba Colony was very excited to try out the new iPhone she just got and was immediately impressed by how easy it was to use. “You don’t even have […]

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