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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Homeschool Grad Has Drive-In Ceremony on His Own Driveway

June 19, 2020 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Following the model of high schools across the continent, 19-year-old homeschooler Danny Wiebe of Leamington, Ontario pulled the family minivan onto the driveway this afternoon for his COVID-safe graduation ceremony. “I gave him […]

The Daily Bonnet

Andrew Unger Answers the Web’s Most-Searched Questions About Mennonites

June 18, 2020 Andrew

If you’ve ever searched The Google you’ll probably have noticed that they like to predict what you’re going to ask even before you ask it, just like how Taunte Lina always knows before you’re finished […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Free Cotton Swab’ Giveaway Has Mennonites Lined Up for Blocks

June 15, 2020 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Mennonites across northern Saskatchewan were super excited when they heard about this brand new trajchtmoaka in the city who was handing out ‘free cotton swabs’ to anyone and everyone who showed up asking. “Oba, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Swipes Right on Her Own Cousin

June 14, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Melissa Epp, 20, of La Crete, Alberta was casually scrolling Tinder last night when she stopped on a dreamy young man from Cuauhtémoc who looked to be just her type. “So, naturally […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Flock to Reopened MCC Store to Buy Bigger Pants

June 12, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB More than a thousand eager, and slightly larger, Mennonites were lined up outside the Altona self-help this Friday when they heard the store just got in a fresh supply of pants. “Jauma lied, […]

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