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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Shenandoah Valley Erupts in Chaos After Sarcastic Comment is Posted Without a Smiley Face

September 10, 2020 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA The Shenandoah Valley is in chaos this week, after Mr. Gerber posted a sarcastic comment on Facebook and failed to indicate his sarcasm with a smiley face emoji. “All I said was that […]

The Daily Bonnet

Naive Manitoba Man Tries to Send a Text from Out by Sandilands Somewhere

September 6, 2020 Andrew

SANDILANDS, MB Local man Tim Giesbrecht, 41, was at the annual Giesbrecht wiener roast and horseshoes tournament at the ranger station in the Sandilands forest when he hauled out his phone between shots and attempted […]

The Daily Bonnet

Last Chance to Work on Your Farmer’s Tan this Weekend

September 4, 2020 Andrew

KENORA, ON Mennonites across the Canadian Prairies will be taken advantage of the long weekend to work on their farmer’s tans this weekend. It’s the last chance they have to do so until the cold […]

The Daily Bonnet

Canada’s Top Doc Encourages Mennonites to Wear Masks During Meddachschlop

September 3, 2020 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Canada’s top doctor is “strongly encouraging” Mennonites to wear medical-grade masks during meddachschlop, especially if you’re sharing a nap space with someone who isn’t a first or second cousin. “If this is your […]

The Daily Bonnet

Gambler Wins Big By Betting on Mennonite UFC Fighter

September 2, 2020 Andrew

INDIANAPOLIS, IN Centuries of pent-up aggression have been released in UFC rings this season as the Yoders and other Mennonites seem to be totally dominating their opponents. “I know it seems counter-intuitive, but I’ve won […]

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