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Unger the Influence

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Super Disappointed He Can’t Use His Fake Vaccine Passport Anymore

March 13, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man Mr. Thiessen is super upset at the Manitoba government for removing his ability to use his fake vaccine passport. “After all this money I invested in getting this fake thing made, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Writer Starts Lucrative New Business Proofreading Protest Signs

March 4, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Local Mennonite writer Wilma Thiessen, 41, has started a lucrative new side hustle correcting spelling and grammar on protest signs. “Ah, see, you need two Ps in ‘oppression’ there, Mr. Klassen,” said Thiessen. […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Government Declares Winter Over as of March 1

March 3, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Despite a preponderance of evidence to the contrary, winter is officially over, according to the Manitoba government who picked March 1 as the “first day of spring.” “What the heck? I’ve still got […]

Unger Suspicion

Zalenskky First Ever Satirist Not Too Chicken Shit to Go Into Politics

March 1, 2022 Andrew

KYIV, UKRAINE A new survey has found that 99% of satirists were perfectly content to sit behind a keyboard and mock politicians but basically none had the courage to actually do something about the problems […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Blows Entire MPI Cheque on Canadian Flags

February 18, 2022 Andrew

GRETNA, MB Local man Art Fehr has been waiting with bated breath for his auto insurance rebate cheque from MPI. When it finally arrived this Thursday, he promptly blew the entire thing on Canadian flags […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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