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Unger the Influence

Unger the Influence

Justin Trudeau Plans to Stick Around Long Enough to Become the Next Joe Biden

June 29, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Despite losing a safe seat in Toronto this week, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau plans to stick around for a while, just like his inspiration south of the border Joe Biden. “Look at […]

Unger the Influence

City of Morden Ceases to Exist After Being Lumped Into Winkler Metro Area

May 23, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER-MORDEN, MB The City of Morden is no more after being absorbed into the City of Winkler’s census agglomeration according to Statistics Canada. “They’re not even calling it Morden-Winkler or Winkler-Morden,” said Morden resident Arthur […]

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Tucker Carlson Admits He’s Just Been Doing Really Shoddy Satire for the Past 20 Years

May 17, 2024 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA After expressing his undying love and devotion for everyone from Alex Jones to Vladimir Putin, American political commentator Tucker Carlson has finally acknowledged he’s just been trolling everyone for the past couple […]

Unger the Influence

House of Commons Expansion Still Not Big Enough to Accommodate Politicians’ Egos

May 14, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON With the Centre Block on Parliament Hill set to undergo renovations until 2031, some experts believe the expansion may still not be quite big enough to fit all the egos. “We’ve crunched the […]

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Angry MP Calls Yerba Mate Gourds ‘Woke’

May 9, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Conservative MP Lindsey Rude says she’s sick and tired of all the environmentally-friendly yerba mate gourds she sees around town. “The gourds are bad enough,” said Rude, “but they’ve even got those woke […]

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