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Unger the Influence

Unger & Thirst

BC to Decriminalize Up to 2.5 Grams of Borscht

June 7, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC As of July 1 this year, the government of British Columbia will decriminalize possession of up to 2.5 grams of cabbage borscht, so long as it’s for personal use. “Borscht is a health issue,” said […]

Unger Suspicion

Jason Kenney Quits Politics to Become One of Those Wacko Street Preachers

May 22, 2022 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Days after announcing his resignation as Premier of Alberta, Jason Kenney has announced he will spend the rest of his days yelling evangelistic messages on the street corners of major Alberta cities. “Just […]

Unger Suspicion

US Supreme Court to be Expanded from 9 Members to 535 and Renamed ‘Congress’

May 8, 2022 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC After nearly 250 of years of pretending there were three distinct branches of US government, the United States Supreme Court will be expanded by 526 members and will be renamed Congress. “Who are […]

Unger Suspicion

Liberals and NDP Merge to form “Giant Scary Socialist Robot from Outer Space”

April 6, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The Canadian government has undergone a transformation this week and is now under the control of a huge ugly socialist robot from outer space. “OMG! Look, it’s Socialist Prime!” tweeted concerned citizen Mr. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Super Disappointed He Can’t Use His Fake Vaccine Passport Anymore

March 13, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man Mr. Thiessen is super upset at the Manitoba government for removing his ability to use his fake vaccine passport. “After all this money I invested in getting this fake thing made, […]

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