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Unger the Influence

Unger the Influence

White House Ends Trade Talks with Canada Over Alex P. Keaton Commercial

October 24, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC The White House is fuming this week after the government of Ontario used the image of beloved Family Ties character Alex P. Keaton to promote an anti-tariff message. “Tariffs are a longstanding American […]

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Canada Post to Replace Air Mail with New Horse and Buggy Service

September 29, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Always wanting to improve services across the country, Canada Post announced this week it would be hiring Amish and Old Order Mennonites to deliver the mail from now on. “It’s just one more […]

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Bargain Hungry Mennonites Eager to Get Their Hands on Free Speech

September 21, 2025 Andrew

INMAN, KS Mennonites across Kansas were stirred into a frenzy this week after they heard that speeches were now free. “Even the thrift store doesn’t have free speech like this,” said Mr. Janzen. “I’ve never […]

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Trump Hires Mennonites to Shun Jimmy Kimmel

September 19, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC A team of Mennonites has been flown into Washington this week with the express purpose of shunning Jimmy Kimmel. “We’ve got them working around the clock. Frowny faces. Shaking their heads in disgust. […]

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A Complete List of Jokes that Won’t Get You Cancelled These Days

September 18, 2025 Andrew

In the wake of Jimmy Kimmel’s recent cancellation, we’ve consulted a team of comedians and humourists from across the United States to make a list of completely safe jokes that won’t get you cancelled. In […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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