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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Canadian Mennonites Lineup to Get Their Hands on Legal Platz

October 17, 2018 Andrew

SOUTH BLUMENORT, MB Ten of thousands of Mennonites across Canada have been lining up outside platz shops today to get their hands on legal platz for the first time in nearly 100 years. “It’s a […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Family to Survive on Last Sunday’s Leftovers for the Next Two Years

October 14, 2018 Andrew

FORT VERMILLION, AB There was so much food leftover at the Reimer family potluck last Sunday that the entire clan had enough food to last for the next two years. “We were told to bring […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Grocery Store Opens New ‘Mennonite Aisle’

October 11, 2018 Andrew

LYNDHURST, VA Desperate to capitalize on the growing Mennonite market, the local Thrift-and-Save Grocery Barn has decided to open up an aisle dedicated to things that Mennonites tend to purchase such as sausage, German Bibles, […]

Unger & Thirst

Shocking Details Revealed in Margins of Mennonite Woman’s Cookbook

October 9, 2018 Andrew

BOW ISLAND, AB Mrs. Kehler had the great misfortune of leaving her Mennonite Treasury Cookbook sitting out on the counter when she lay down for a nice afternoon nap this past Sunday. Soon photos of […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Tinkers with Grandma Penner’s Recipes

October 6, 2018 Andrew

HOCHFELD, MB For the past three years, local bachelor Darryl Penner, 41, has been attempting to improve his grandmother’s beloved Mennonite recipes and, just this past weekend, he finally decided to reveal his improved versions […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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