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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Area Man Receives a Bag of Ten Thousand Villages Coffee from Every Single Guest at His Birthday Party

January 22, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Literally every single guest at Mr. Reimer’s 53rd birthday party this week gave him a bag of Ten Thousand Villages fair trade coffee. “That man is impossible to shop for. I wracked my […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Shunned for Not Making Her Own Crusts

January 21, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Mrs. Eby is facing intense scrutiny this week after it was revealed she hasn’t made her own crust since 1987. “Ach, why bother making a crust from scratch when you can buy a […]

Unger & Thirst

Conservative Mennonite Group Vows to Preserve Old Tim Hortons Lids

January 12, 2020 Andrew

WOOLWICH TOWNSHIP, ON When Tim Hortons recently introduced a newly redesigned coffee lid, millions of Canadians were overjoyed. Not so, for the Mennonites of Woolwich Township, however. The new coffee lids were seen as a […]

Unger & Thirst

Shocking New Photos Show Dramatic Glacier Retreat

January 9, 2020 Andrew

GRETNA, MB New photos released by the National Society for the Preservation of Glaciers reveal a dramatic retreat of the famous Gretna Glacier. “If you look at the photos side by side, you can see […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Children Leave Plate of Vereniki and Schmaunt Fat for Santa

December 24, 2019 Andrew

REINLAND, MB The Broesky children of Reinland were sick and tired of the mediocre gifts that Santa brought when they left out milk and cookies, and so decided to change things up a little this […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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