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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Devours Entire Advent Calendar One Week In

December 9, 2019 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Mrs. Jost, 51, was sick and tired of this “one chocolate a day” rule and decided to open all the boxes still left in her annual advent calendar and wolf down all the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Discovers Potato and Cheese in His Perogies!

December 7, 2019 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB Local man Thomas Redekop, 54, was in for the surprise of his life after he cut into a delicious perogy only to discover the entire thing was filled with a mysterious substance that […]

Unger & Thirst

Mysterious Jars in Cellar Turn Out to Contain Oma’s Delicious Green Bean Soup

November 30, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB The Penners of Blumenort were excited to discover a huge collection of Oma’s delicious Jreen Schaubel Sup in the cellar this past week. The green bean soup had apparently been in there since the […]

Unger & Thirst

Feds to Open Forty New Safe Schmaunt Fat Injection Sites

November 21, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The federal government just announced this week a plan to open up more than forty supervised injection sites in Mennonite communities around the country. “We’re going to provide people with cottage cheese and […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Sets Up Rival Cheesesteak Shop Right Between Pat’s and Geno’s

November 20, 2019 Andrew

PHILADELPHIA, PA Residents of South Philadelphia have strong opinions about who makes the best cheesesteak, Pat’s or Geno’s. Fans are so passionate about their cheesesteaks that the occasional fight is known to break out between […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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