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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Rogers Golden Syrup Shortage

September 13, 2019 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Thousands of Mennonites have been placed in Intensive Care units this summer after a shortage of Rogers Golden Syrup has left them without the necessary sustenance for life. “My Henry’s a fighter, but […]

Unger & Thirst

Mrs. Kehler Tries to Pass Off Store Bought Tomatoes as Garden Tomatoes

September 12, 2019 Andrew

GRETNA, MB Absolutely no one was believing Mrs. Kehler after she tried to sneak in a few store bought tomatoes onto the platter at faspa this week. “She even had the nerve to slice them […]

Unger & Thirst

Ten Authentic Mennonite Dishes to Make for Mennonite Heritage Week

September 8, 2019 Andrew

It’s finally here! Mennonite Heritage Week! A time to sit back and reflect on everything that it means to be Mennonite. While you’re arguing in the church lobby about the nuances of being a pacifist […]

Unger & Thirst

Delusional Mennonite Man Thinks His Mom’s Vereniki are Better than Your Mom’s Vereniki

September 6, 2019 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Art Berg, 31, of Leamington, Ontario has a message for the world: “My mom’s vereniki are the best in the world yet!” The message, which he’s plastered on several billboards in the Leamington […]

Unger & Thirst

Mourners Devastated After Mennonite Funeral Runs Short on Raisin Buns

September 5, 2019 Andrew

SOUTH BLUMENORT, MB Thousands of Mennonites were expecting to gorge on raisin buns at the Wiebe funeral this past week, but were left “completely devastated” after the organizers ran out of their supply after just […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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