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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Discovers Brave New World of Fried Vereniki

April 1, 2020 Andrew

“O, wonder! How many goodly creatures are there here! How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world, That has such people in’t!” -William Shakespeare, The Tempest ALTONA, MB A church lunch this past Sunday has […]

Unger & Thirst

Frantic Mennonites Stockpile Hand Sanitizer, Toilet Paper, and Farmer Sausage

March 8, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Thousands of Mennonites across North America were totally freaking out at the prospect of having to quarantine themselves for a couple weeks should they be in the unfortunate situation of having not […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Born February 29, 1944 Finally Old Enough to Have a Drink

February 29, 2020 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON A Russlander Mennonite who immigrated to Canada after World War II is finally old enough to consume adult beverages in the province of Ontario. “February 29, 1944 – that’s what my birth certificate […]

Unger & Thirst

Thousands of Mennonites to Participate in ‘Meatless Challenge’ February 30th and 31st

February 27, 2020 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Thousands of Mennonites across the continent have vowed to go without meat for two whole days on February 30th and 31st of this year. “It’s going to be difficult to go so […]

Unger & Thirst

‘Soup and Pie Fundraiser’ Raises Millions and Millions of Dollars

February 23, 2020 Andrew

SOUTH BLUMENORT, MB Literally millions of dollars in dimes and quarters were raised at a soup and pie fundraiser in South Blumenort this past week. The unexpected success all seems to be related to Mrs. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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