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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Blame Trudeau for Slow Waffle Sauce Rollout

March 5, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mennonites at the Winkler manor were getting cranky last night and were blaming Justin Trudeau when a full twenty minutes after the waffles arrived, some residents had not yet received their first serving […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Generously Splurges on Dessert at Local Pub

February 27, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It was date night for the Bergmans this Friday, so the couple went to their favourite local watering hole Sawney Beans on Main Street, where they enjoyed a few pints, a delicious chicken […]

Unger & Thirst

Niagara Mennonites Vote to Im-Peach Pastor Dave

February 8, 2021 Andrew

ST. CATHARINES, ON While Mennonites in other parts of the world commission new pastors through ordination, laying on of hands, or rebaptizing the ones who didn’t get it done properly, the Mennonites of the Niagara […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Takes Home the Super Bowl

February 7, 2021 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Mrs. Esther Friesen, 82, of Newton, Kansas managed to sneak into the church kitchen this Sunday and grab the 1970s Tupperware bowl that she’d left there before the pandemic began last year. “I’m […]

Unger & Thirst

Single Piece of Juicy Fruit Lasts a Record Three Minutes

February 3, 2021 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Mrs. Froese of Chilliwack has set a new world record by managing to squeeze a full three minutes of flavour from one piece of Juicy Fruit gum. “It’s got that sweet fruity blast […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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