Niagara Mennonites Vote to Im-Peach Pastor Dave


While Mennonites in other parts of the world commission new pastors through ordination, laying on of hands, or rebaptizing the ones who didn’t get it done properly, the Mennonites of the Niagara region have their own unique custom.

“We im-peach our rookie ministers,” said pastoral search committee chair Susan Suderman. “If you can eat one of Mrs. Wall’s peach pies within fifteen minutes while providing a clear exegesis on the first two chapters of Galatians, you get the job!”

After an impressive showing (via Zoom) this Sunday, Pastor Dave has been im-peached and accepted as Associate Youth Pastor in Charge of Glow Bowling and the Flannelgraph Board.

“I must say, I was blown away by his ability to elucidate the meaning of justification with a mouth full of peach pie,” said Suderman. “It was doubly impressive given that the peaches weren’t even fresh. But a true Niagara Mennonite has to know a thing or two about canning, too!”

Meanwhile, prospective Mennonite pastors on the Canadian prairies are hoping they can adopt the Niagara method, rather than being ushered in by being force fed bread and butter pickles.

(photo credit: Allagash Brewing/CC)

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