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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Abbotsford Man Subsists Entirely on Rempel’s Farmer Sausage Soup

September 5, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC For more than 17 years, local man Earl Penner has eaten nothing but Rempel’s Farmer Sausage Soup at Ricky’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner. “Ever since my Martha passed away, I’ve been coming here […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Clings Tightly to Casserole as Husband Drives to Potluck

September 3, 2022 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mrs. Dierdre F. Banman was seen firmly gripping her casserole on the way to the Kleine Gemeinde potluck this past Sunday. “We meddachschlopped a little too long this afternoon,” explained Banman. “So we […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Historians Unearth the Mysterious Origins of the Farmer Sausage Burger

August 30, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After securing a grant from the Plett Foundation and assembling a team that includes renowned historians Aileen Friesen, Ben Nobbs-Thiessen, Andrea Klassen, and Janis Thiessen, researchers have finally solved a mystery that had […]

Unger & Thirst

Paper Straw Totally Disintegrates Before Mennonite Man Gets to the Bottom of His Papsi

August 24, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area man Art Brandt, 58, was enjoying a Papsi and Ravel at his favourite local burger joint this past week, when he discovered they were now offering paper straws instead of the ones […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Lusts After Another Man’s Plate of Food as it Passes

August 22, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Harry Ens of Fresno requested a private meeting with the pastor this week to discuss his propensity to lust after other men’s plates of food. “I can’t help myself,” said Ens. “Just as […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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