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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Millennials Completely Priced Out of Avocado Toast Market

June 24, 2022 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Soaring avocado prices coupled with high interest rates have priced many millennials in the Kitchener Waterloo area right out of the avocado toast market. “We were looking at a 30-year mortgage just for […]

Unger & Thirst

Hungover Mennonite Woman Insists “It’s Only Covid”

June 22, 2022 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Eleanor Driedger, 61, of Saskatoon had a little too much to drink at the lady’s Bible study and wine event last night, but refused to admit she’d come down with a hangover this […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Family’s Been Eating Nothing but Mini Donuts for the Past Week

June 19, 2022 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB The Wiebes of Niverville have been subsisting on nothing but mini donuts breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the past week. “It all started at the Niverville Fair last weekend. I think we ate […]

Unger & Thirst

Fake Russian McDonalds Offers Limp Flavourless Fries Called ‘Putin’

June 18, 2022 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA After all the real McDonalds stores shut down this week, a new FakeDonalds is setting up shop in Russia and promises to offer a number of new menu items, including a variation on […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Offers Barry Trotz ‘Free Farmer Sausage for Life’ to Coach Jets

June 14, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local hockey fan Robert Sawatzky is so eager to get free agent head coach Barry Trotz signed on with the Winnipeg Jets that he’s willing to offer him ‘free farmer sausage for life.’ […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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