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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Skeptical Burger King Customer Seeks to Prove the Existence of ‘Ketchup Nuggets’

August 6, 2023 Andrew

ST. CATHERINES, ON As significant doubts about the existence of ketchup nuggets spread like wildfire this week, Burger King Canada has decided to post photographic evidence that their new ‘ketchup nuggets’ are actually a real […]

Unger & Thirst

Liquor Store Strike Leaves Mennonites Without Any Place to Judge Each Other

July 29, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB As workers at Manitoba liquor stores have been on strike this week, thousands of Mennonites have been left without any place to cast sidelong glances and whisper disparaging remarks about their friends and […]

Unger & Thirst

Abbotsford Family Subsists All Summer on Blackberries Picked By the Side of the Road

July 28, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The Neufelds of Abbotsford have been eating nothing but wild blackberries from the side of the road this entire summer and Earl is getting a little cranky at the lack of variety. “Ugh, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Bids Fond Farewell to Future Farmer Sausage

July 26, 2023 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Earlier this week, Mrs. Erin Neufeld, 22, of Grunthal, Manitoba paid her last respects to her beloved pig Stockwell, named after the former leader of the Canadian Alliance Party. “I’ll be seeing you […]

Unger & Thirst

Canadian Mennonite Dares to Try the Hot Sauce from Mexican Import Store

July 19, 2023 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Area man Andrew Siemens has become the first Canadian Mennonite ever to follow his Mexican cousin to the import store and try the hot sauce. “Dietschlaunt, that’s hot!” exclaimed Andrew, encountering the mildest […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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