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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Anthony Bourdain Confirms Steinbach is ‘Worth the Trip’

June 26, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB In the season finale of his hit CNN series Parts Unknown, famed chef and author Anthony Bourdain visited the small Manitoba city of Steinbach and declared it to be “worth the trip, just like […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Leaves Record $0.10 Tip at Local Diner

June 13, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area waitresses were shocked to hear of the generous ten cent tip that fellow restaurant server Mary Penner received during her evening shift on Saturday. “In all my years of waitressing, I’ve never […]

Unger & Thirst

Conservative Mennonite Sect Bans ‘Papsi’ and ‘Ravel’ Bars

June 10, 2016 Andrew

BLUMENFELD, MB The leadership of a particularly pious group of Mennonites in southern Manitoba have recently announced a complete ban on the drinking of Pepsi and consumption of chocolate Revello ice cream bars. After eliminating every […]

Unger & Thirst

Man’s Face Left in Permanent Pucker After Rhubarb Platz-Eating Contest

June 5, 2016 Andrew

GRETNA, MB After eating 37 pieces of intensely sour rhubarb platz, local man Cornelius Thiessen has been hospitalized with what doctors are describing as “irreversible damage to his facial structure.” The contest is an annual […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbach Residents to Vote on Whether to Acknowledge Each Other in the Liquor Store

May 31, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For decades, the Mennonite town of Steinbach, Manitoba was officially dry. No liquor could be bought or sold anywhere in the region. Since then, a number of referendums have taken place that have […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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