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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Consume Record Numbers of Rapple Chaps During Stanley Cup Final

June 24, 2024 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Stores across the Canadian prairies are all out of rapple chaps this evening, as Mennonites stock up for the big game. “We’ve got everything you need for a Stanley Cup party,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbach Woman Calls Police About Long Line at Krispy Kreme

June 23, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area woman Mrs. Hiebert, 81, of Steinbach called in a police report this morning after she noticed a long time of vehicles stretching all the way from the new Kripsy Kreme in Winnipeg, […]

Unger & Thirst

Schmaunt Fat Confused for Waffle Sauce

June 20, 2024 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It all turned out to be a happy accident, as a bucket of schmaunt fat was confused for waffle sauce, much to the delight of the dozens of eager waffle eaters lined up […]

Unger & Thirst

‘Wurst’ Turns Out to Be the ‘Best’

June 17, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB They’ve been making the wurst in southern Manitoba for decades and one wurst maker has finally created the best. “You won’t find a better wurst in all of Winkler,” said local butcher Mr. […]

Unger & Thirst

Tim Hortons to Replace Timbits with Mennonite Zwieback

June 14, 2024 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Canadian donut giant Tim Hortons held a press conference on Henderson Highway this afternoon to announce a new item on the menu – Mennonite zwieback – well, just the tops anyway. “For […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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