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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

KFC Implements New ‘Bring Your Own Bacon’ Policy

August 25, 2024 Andrew

VAUGHAN, ON Of all the changes made to the KFC menu in recent weeks, by far the most significant was their new ‘Bring Your Own Bacon’ policy. “If you want to have a good proper […]

Unger & Thirst

Did You Know … The Plural of Pierogi is Pierogi

August 22, 2024 Andrew

VITA, MB The National Committee for the Proliferation of Proper Food Spelling has issued a friendly reminder to folks on the Canadian prairies that the plural of pierogi is actually pierogi. “It’s not ‘pierogies,’” said […]

Unger & Thirst

‘Hawk Tuah Girl’ Launches Her Own Brand of Knackzoat

August 12, 2024 Andrew

BELFAST, TN In an effort to cash in on her newfound fame, viral Internet sensation Hailey Welch, better known as ‘Hawk Tuah Girl’ has started a brand new company specializing in roasted and lightly salted […]

Unger & Thirst

French Pole Vaulter Signs Farmer Sausage Endorsement Deal

August 9, 2024 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE A mishap on the pole vault may have cost Anthony Ammirati a medal, but he’s more than made up for it in lucrative endorsement deals. Just this week, Ammirati inked a $12 million […]

Unger & Thirst

Jennifer Aniston Doused in Schmaunt Fat on Set of ‘The Morning Show’

August 8, 2024 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA According to sources, a group of angry Mennonites from Fresno tossed an ice cream pail full of white cream gravy known as “schmaunt fat” on TV star Jennifer Aniston. “It was totally […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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