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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Coca-Cola Adds Mennonite Names to Bottles

June 8, 2017 Andrew

ATLANTA, GA According to tradition, the preferred cola of Mennonites has always been Pepsi (accompanied by a Ravel bar). In an effort to win over some of the Mennonite market share, Coca-Cola has recently introduced a series […]

Unger & Thirst

Farmer Sausage-Scented Air Fresheners a Big Hit in Mennonite Country

June 7, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB A new formavorscht-scented car air freshener has been flying off the shelves at Altona gas stations this past week, with Mennonites throughout the region eager to have their truck cabs smell of smoked meat. […]

Unger & Thirst

Justin Trudeau to Legalize Rhubarb Platz

May 31, 2017 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON After decades of pressure from platz-users across Canada, the Trudeau government has announced it will introduce legislation to regulate and sell rhubarb platz by the end of the year. “This is a great […]

Unger & Thirst

Faspa Cancelled After Church Runs Out of Bothwell Cheese

May 28, 2017 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB For the first time since the Great Depression, the weekly faspa at New Bothwell MEMB church had to be cancelled this Sunday after Mrs. Loewen forgot to pick up the required three […]

Unger & Thirst

Maid of Honour Toasts Bride With Glass of Water

May 24, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Guests at the Harder-Peters wedding this past weekend were busy enjoying a pleasant Mennonite meal in the church basement when it was time for the toasts to the bride and groom. “I’ve known Cynthia […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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