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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

After Last Night Hanover Municipality Renamed ‘Hangover’

January 1, 2018 Andrew

HANGOVER, MB After a night in which dozens of Mennonite in the Hanover area drank copious amounts of Papsi and water, area residents have voted to rename the area ‘Hangover.’ “Ugh, after three Papsis and […]

Unger & Thirst

Fourth Wiseman Rejected for Bringing Halva

December 23, 2017 Andrew

BETHLEHEM, JUDEA The fourth wiseman, Peter Wiebe, who followed the star all the way from the East Reserve, was apparently turned away at the entrance to Bethlehem this week for bringing the dry chalky substance […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Steakhouse Adds Fried Bologna to Menu

December 13, 2017 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The Purple Koo, Abbotsford’s toniest steakhouse, is about to get a little bit tonier, with the addition of prime cut grade A fried bologna to the menu. The addition of bologna is in […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Jailed for Adding Flavour to Food

December 1, 2017 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Mrs. Edna Loewen of Newton, Kansas was arrested and removed from the church roster on Sunday after it was reported her cooking now contained actual flavour. According to her furious grandchildren, Loewen added […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Hunter Bags Huge Sausage

November 21, 2017 Andrew

WHITESHELL, MB Avid hunter, Mr. Timothy Krahn, 36, of Kleefeld, managed to bag an enormous 800-pound farmer sausage in the Whiteshell this weekend. At 340 5/8 points, the farmer sausage is the highest-scoring sausage ever […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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