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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Steinbachers ‘Super Excited’ to Finally Have Some Sort of Prohibition Once Again

October 25, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After decades of being the only community in Manitoba to ban alcohol sales, Steinbach has felt a little out-of-sorts since the first liquor store opened in 2009. So, this October, as Canada legalized […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Children Horrified as Grandpa Takes a Bite out of ‘Petunia Rhubarb’

October 21, 2018 Andrew

REINLAND, MB The Brandt kids were settling in for a nice lunch with Grandma and Grandpa, when things got a little awkward. Grandma came into the house and presented the children with a lovely array […]

Unger & Thirst

Canadian Mennonites Lineup to Get Their Hands on Legal Platz

October 17, 2018 Andrew

SOUTH BLUMENORT, MB Ten of thousands of Mennonites across Canada have been lining up outside platz shops today to get their hands on legal platz for the first time in nearly 100 years. “It’s a […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Family to Survive on Last Sunday’s Leftovers for the Next Two Years

October 14, 2018 Andrew

FORT VERMILLION, AB There was so much food leftover at the Reimer family potluck last Sunday that the entire clan had enough food to last for the next two years. “We were told to bring […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Grocery Store Opens New ‘Mennonite Aisle’

October 11, 2018 Andrew

LYNDHURST, VA Desperate to capitalize on the growing Mennonite market, the local Thrift-and-Save Grocery Barn has decided to open up an aisle dedicated to things that Mennonites tend to purchase such as sausage, German Bibles, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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